There is an old couple who have been married for a long time.  They hadn't had sex in a while, so the wife goes out &buys some crotch-less underwear. 
She goes home &puts them on &goes downstairs.  Her husband is sitting in the living room watching sports on TV &she goes &sits in front of him.  She opens her legs &says, "You want some of this?"
The husband replies, "Hell no!  Look what it did to your underwear!"